Now that employers are aware of domestic violence, let's take the next step and show the link between two related phenomena.

Bullies Often Target Domestic Violence Abuse Victims

In marked contrast to the rosy picture of employers who act on behalf of families by paying attention to how domestic violence enters the workplace, either out of self-interest or compassion, we at the Campaign have seen how domestic violence victims are seen as vulnerable and prone to assaults by workplace tyrants.

The victim of violence at home is traumatized by a domineering, control-driven partner. The victim's psychological boundaries against attacks have been compromised by repeated assaults by that destructive partner.

They have little ability or energy left to ward off attacks at work, too. Bullies often seize the opportunity. We know that bullies choose to attack the first day heart attack victims return to work, the day that ends maternity leave, the first day back after chemotherapy begins. In similar fashion, cowardly tyrants attack when they see that a battering spouse or partner has broken resistance after a domestic dispute. Bullies choose to pounce when the Target is her weakest. This sick situation reveals the darkest side of humanity.

Unfortunately, the dual victim -- domestic violence and bullying -- is doubly likely to turn inward, to keep the pain to herself. Employers already predisposed to ignore life in the trenches and to support the bully's version of reality there will find it difficult to believe the cruelty that actually happens. This empowers the bully to continue without fear of consequences.

Targets abused at home carry a private burden inside. They have years of hiding the trauma from others. We have learned that Targets with a history of traumatization:

are more reluctant to tell others about their torment by a bully

lack confidence that she is not the reason for the bullying

tolerate much more craziness and instability at work because she is accustomed to chaos in her Family-of-Origin

experience so much shame that it is especially hard to ask for help or to talk about it, even to spouses

appear angry to co-workers and management when finally complaining about the bullying because of the delay, and a personal pool of experience with mistreatment that they are reminded of by the bullying that it comes spewing out angrily and unfiltered

are more susceptible to the uninvited assaults by a bully because of the re-traumatization effect

experience an emotional setback from the re-living of deep memories at each step of the fighting back process--with each re-telling of the story to a bureaucrat, a psychologist, a lawyer

In no way, does an increased susceptibility excuse the bully's unconscionable, despicable behavior. Prior traumas are none of the bully's or employer's business. Unfortunately, if they learn about prior trauma, they will use that information against the Target. She will need the unconditional support of her family and co-workers more than ever.

The Error of Misinterpreting a Victim's Delay as an Indication of Not Being Harmed

You could describe the delay as a temperate response by a reasonable woman who was surprised by the irrational and disproportionate acts of another person. At first, she cannot believe the egregious nature of the offense, preferring to give the perpetrator the benefit of doubt, perhaps expecting an apology or retraction for the aggressive act. In either case, delay results. One should not infer a lack of impact from a delayed response.

Shame and anger might account for delayed response. It is not a stretch to show that battered wives and other victims of abuse are slow to report not only because they are unsure about systems designed to help them but because of the overwhelming emotions associated with having let this happen to them. The impetus for reporting the incident comes only when the person is sufficiently angry. When immersed in the initial stages of shame, going public is the farthest thing from the person's mind. Shame dictates inaction while undergoing an internal calculus of choosing alternative ways to react, which unfortunately can include blaming the self and self-loathing. Outward public action is only likely when the shame has lessened; anger takes its place.

When Bullying Causes Domestic Violence

It is also now time to make another important link between work and domestic violence that explores a different causal link. Mistreatment at work can cause domestic violence. We've documented elsewhere the various ways that bullying indirectly impacts families through damage to the Target's emotional and physical health, and to financial well-being. For the family, the strain can be great.

It begins with a hostile workplace that features an aggressive, intimidating, verbally abusive bully singling out a Target for systematic, deliberate destruction. The cumulative nature of bullying erodes the Target's defenses and begins to traumatize the person. At first, the Target keeps the shameful secret private. The workplace psychological violence goes home with the Target and affects the family. Let's assume that the home is a stable, safe place. The Target initially has a strong, mutually respectful relationship with the spouse or partner.

Bullying affects domestic stability and tranquility in two principal ways.

The first effect of bullying is the direct emotional or physical abuse of the spouse or partner by the Target. It can trigger an inexplicable "need" for the Target to hurt loved ones at home. It's the classic "taking it out," or displacement of aggression against people not responsible for the feelings of being out of control of one's life. Work is controlled by the bullying tyrant and striking back is believed to be impossible. Bullying creates extraordinary pressure that can drive otherwise calm, non-violent Targets to act in extraordinarily negative ways. So, kicking the proverbial dog (or more likely the mate or children) siphons off the pent-up aggression built up at work. The enemy is the bully, but family members pay the price for the Target's inability or unwillingness to fight back at work. Once the abuse starts, few couples manage to explore its workplace origins. The disintegration of families begins.

The second type of effect workplace bullying has on home life involves the presence or absence of support by the spouse or partner.

In the best of homes when Targets do not resort to violence against family members, relationships are strained long before the Target shares the extent of bullying faced at work. The Target sends nonverbal messages about troubles. Sleep disruption, anxiety and depression affect everyone who cares about the Target.

When the ugly realities are finally revealed, spouses have predictable reactions. Spouses either immediately support the Target and want to fight the bully and the enabling employer or they paradoxically blame the Targets for bringing on the trouble and admonish them for wanting to fight back, thus jeopardizing a job. Sadly, unresolved bullying cases, exhaust the patience of the most supportive spouses. Over the long haul, families are torn apart over the workplace-caused violence.

Domestic violence may be sparked in relationships where the spouse or partner fails to emphathize with the Target. Those individuals may convert into violence their resentment and inability to understand the pressures the Target is experiencing. The violence may be verbal or physical. It is clear, that if left unchecked, it will escalate.

Consider the plight of a bullied Target in double danger who finds no respite or peace at home, but instead goes from terrorization at work to assaults from an angry partner. Is this not the ultimate trap?

This is exactly what happened to a woman we know. Sally worked as a bookeeper for an attorney/developer/commercial properties landlord, an extremely wealthy man. He had just dismissed a younger woman, allegedly for fraud. That woman was in trouble with the IRS with respect to his business accounting. Sally replaced the young woman. She assumed responsibility for fiscal matters when the unscrupulous attorney (an officer of the court, guardian of the "law") made her an officer of the corporation that served as the holding company for all his ventures. It turns out that the land baron was building himself a new palace. He ordered Sally to divert funds (several hundred thousand dollars) from his corporate accounts to cover the costs of building his house. This was fraudulent. He cheated the IRS out of taxable income and the oil company (with whom he shared several gas stations) of money allegedly earmarked for repairs and maintenance. Sally complied, finding it impossible to disobey his commands. He was quite an intimidating fellow. She attempted to quit on conscience several times, but he lured her back by threatening to turn her into the IRS as a tax fraud (you can see his pattern was repeating and the disgraced former bookeeper had done no wrong either). She was deeply depressed and suicidal while in therapy. Finally, she severed the ties and quit.

Sally refrained from telling her husband, a rigid, demanding, law enforcement officer for several months. He was disgusted at her inability to go back into the market and "just" find a job. She was completely traumatized, unable to leave the home, unable to sleep, unable to act. He resented her decision to cut the family income without consulting him. She felt tremendous guilt over this. He escalated to rage when she finally told him the lurid story about being commanded to commit fraud. But he directed his rage at Sally not at the attorney/land baron! He was mad that she hadn't stood up to him. He was mad that she complied--a sign of weakness to him. The husband has several weapons. In addition to the verbal barrage she faces daily from him, she also fears for her physical safety. The marriage, with 2 children, is on the rocks and Sally may have to move out to preserve her sanity.

These are ways that bullying can cause domestic violence.

Where does the employer fit in this picture?

In retrospect, a wise employer would see the signs of unproductivity from employees known to perform at a high level and attribute it to new changes such as having a new supervisor. But the bully and accomplices provide the camoflauge that blocks the accurate, truthful view for senior management. Decline in performance from being traumatized is instead portrayed to higher ups as a defect in the targeted person. Despite years of recorded excellence, for some inexplicable reason, the Target's dropoff is accepted as reality when described by the very person responsible for the conversion of a normal, healthy workplace into a daily chamber of horrors.

To borrow the domestic violence metaphor, this is akin to believing the abusive spouse-partner instead of the victim.

In domestic violence -- there ARE NOT two sides to the story. Perpetrators are seen as liars with a motive to cover up their violent aggression. Society has finally registered its disdain for exploitation in intimate relationships. The law can now intervene in private family matters because of that disgust. The once-sacrosanct walls of intimate relationships can be pierced when the consequences to victims are serious.

Similarly, in cases of psychological violence at work -- there ARE NOT two sides to the story. Bullies lie with remarkable ease and have the backing of employers, workers' compensation and disability benefits systems, and the courts. It's time for society to be as outraged about workplace bullying as it is been about child abuse and domestic violence!

Let's crack the sacred wall that employers put up to prevent airing of the hurtful mistreatment suffered by individuals at the hands of sadistic workplace tyrants! It's time to stand up against workplace bullying.

If your employer is taking a stand against domestic violence, implore them to also stop WORKPLACE BULLYING. The solution is described at The Work Doctor website.