Group Sides with the Bully

Another reason the team fails to use their group power to stop a bully is that team members side with the bully against the target person. The origin of the principle of identification with the aggressor is in psychoanalysis, but let's not get Freudian here.

What's important is that this explains how the target's best friend or to the person who once stood as the target's strongest ally can turn against her.

Most bullies want to torment the target right out the place. The loyalty switching typically happens after the target leaves. Without the painful daily reminders of the bully's devastating effect on the target person, their friend, co-workers are free in the aftermath to act as if the person were never there. They may buddy up to the bully more obviously to the observer, but without a personal awareness of what they are doing. The new-found loyalty to the bully may be borne out of fear to protect themselves, but to all observers, it looks like a choice made freely.

Sadly, after the target is gone, former co-workers will dump on the target person, blaming her for her fate, for simply not understanding office politics or for having a "personality clash" with the bully. The rationalization protects the co-workers left behind at the expense of the departed target.

Chris and Sally were Helen's best friends during her short stay in the department. All were psychotherapists. Sally was the first to offer her friendship. Sally spent many lunch hours telling Helen horror stories about Zoe, Helen's terrifying boss. Zoe had chased out a man from Helen's position a year before and he was rumored to not have recovered from the stress Zoe generated.

Sally herself had transferred to another supervisor to escape Zoe's unpredictable rages and admired Helen's ability to get along with her. Chris had once held Zoe's position as boss, but gave it up after Zoe was hired as a staff therapist. Chris' life was made completely miserable trying to counter Zoe's political tricks and sabotage. So she abdicated and Zoe got her job, the one she wanted.

Chris confided in Helen that she was terrified of Zoe and managed to avoid contact as much as possible. She even took to hiding in her office until Zoe passed so she wouldn't have to face her in the hall.

Helen was later driven from the department by Zoe. Despite the similar experiences with Zoe by Chris and Sally, both refused to meet to comfort Helen after she left. Both left unanswered telephone messages left by Helen. Later, when Helen sued the corporation, Helen's attorneys interviewed Chris and Sally and concluded that their testimony would damage Helen's case as they both chose to support Zoe's position.

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