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START HERE
A PRIMER FOR WBI WEBSITE NEWBIES
A PRIMER FOR WBI WEBSITE NEWBIES
This is an encyclopedic, dense website designed for bullied individuals to educate themselves. To help you get started, read the material linked below to make a difference in your health, and thus your life. As you return to the site to delve deeper, you will become more familiar with the various sections.
Now, let us help you get on track to end your misery.
You've found Workplace Bullying and will discover that the form of harassment you've experienced is bullying but not necessarily illegal. That doesn't make it any less real, but it is used as the principal excuse to ignore or denigrate you.
Please know two things: (1) you are not alone (the recent WBI-Zogby poll found that 37% of all U.S. workers have been directly bullied, with another 12% witnessing it alone, that is 71 million Americans touched by it); you just think you are alone because the silence that shrouds bullying gives the false impression that targets are somehow defective or rare, and (2) you did not cause bullying to happen (how can any reasonable person believe that you invited such misery into your life; it's the bully who chose her or his targets, when to strike, when to hold, how to hurt, who to tell, who to terrorize so they would not interfere or warn others).
Bullying is a systematic campaign of interpersonal destruction that jeopardizes your health, your career, the job you once loved, and your family. It's not mere incivility or rudeness! Bullies are not "difficult" people, they have horns! Nor is bullying routine conflict. Conflict resolution tools are misapplied in bullying cases.
Bullying is a non-physical, non-homicidal form of violence. Stopping violence requires more than mere conflict resolution. And because it is violence and abusive, emotional harm frequently (and normally) results.
You may not be the first person to have noticed that you were bullied. Physicians and family members typically see it before targets do. Check to see how many of these experiences match yours: You Know You Are Bullied at Work When ...
Too much time is wasted by targets ruminating about the bully's motives. Very few are psychopaths. Most are normal people who get very aggressive at work. Forget about it. It's not about you -- it's the employer working directly or inadvertently in concert with the bully him or herself. And remember women bullies choose to torment women in 7 out of 10 cases. Read the 3 versions of Why Bullies Bully ...
In case you haven't learned yet, HR is not necessarily your friend. Watch a video candid confession from a former HR director ... (scroll down the page where you will find the link, click to view The Real HR)
The principal reason employers, like yours, can and do ignore bullying (despite its costs and bruising impact on productivity and morale), is that bullying is not yet illegal. Bullying is four times more common than either sexual harassment or racial discrimination. Read Law Professor Yamada's paper on workplace bullying and current U.S. employment law. There are no adequate protections ...
So, right now, you are left to defend yourself and to reverse the destruction to restore your health and reclaim your Dignity! It's not fair, but if you don't fight back in the specific way we suggest, and you are driven from the job you once loved (there is a 77% chance of that happening), you will have trouble moving on to the next job. If you leave without challenging the organization (not the bully), the risk of trauma is greater. You will take longer to bounce back. On the other hand, if you leave pointing an accusatory finger directly at the bully and dare the employer to stop it, you will ensure the best mental health possible for yourself given your circumstances. We have learned this over the last decade.
Should you confront the bully? Probably not. If you could have, you would have and you would not have been targeted in the first place. Don't bother. It only leads to retaliation and more problems. Instead, use our suggested 3-step method described in this linked article. Keep the complaint impersonal and unemotional and your health will be better for it. You may not succeed, but if you have to leave you will be in control. Get the next job lined up if possible.
Remember put your health first. Don't believe the lies told about you. Hang with loved ones and friends. At times of debilitating stress like this, you must not be isolated. Isolation makes the stress worse.
Our book -- The Bully At Work is the definitive self-help guide for bullied targets in the U.S. Order your inexpensive copy today.
Read the complete results of the 2007 WBI-Zogby U.S. Workplace Bullying Survey. The findings will validate much of your personal experience.
If you would like to receive coaching from our experts, check our current procedure. (We are in the process of replacing our skilled volunteer.) You can call our office to schedule time: 360-656-6630 (we're in the Pacific time zone).
As we said, there is no anti-bullying law in any U.S. state. However, since 2003 13 states have introduced legislation to address workplace bullying. This work is accomplished by volunteers just like you as part of the network led by the WBI - Legislative Campaign. Visit this website to see past bills and to track current and future ones. Later, when your healing begins and the misery subsides, you can get involved with helping to pass a new law in your state.
In the first decade of the U.S. anti-bullying movement, the WBI founders (Dr. Ruth and Dr. Gary Namie) listened in person to over 4,600 callers. So, if you still want the details of your story known to us and to an affiliate of ours who is writing a book about bullying tales through WBI, send your story to tales at bullyinginstitute.org (of course, use the "@" when e-mailing).
There is much more to read at the two principal WBI websites. The guide above simply suggests a set of articles that serve as a primer for bullied targets. We hope it helps.
Work Shouldn't Hurt!
Good luck.
Dr. Gary Namie
Workplace Bullying Institute
bullyinginstitute.org